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Sarcastic One Liner Status for Whatsapp:
I made a list of people who can kiss my a** and you are on it. Twice.
If you can’t teach your friend’s kid to say bad things, you need better friends.
I call it love, she calls it stalking. Can’t we just agree to disagree?
I don’t like people talking about be behind my back, unless he’s really hot, calling my name and pulling my hair..
I bought a smartphone today. And it came with unlimited ‘Staring at your phone to avoid contact with other people’ minutes.
I bought a gun because I heard looks can kill, I need to defend myself from my ugly looking neighbors.
I’m not fat, I’m just big boned. Who am I kidding, I’m just glad my small brittle bones haven’t broke under the weight of all this fat.
You should be happy when there’s a fat person on your flight. In cases of emergency we can be used as flotation devices.
I like my kisses down low….
I like to pretend my hand is yours when I’m touching myself.
I’m going to eat her cat, if you know what I mean.
I don’t take crap from anybody because well if you handed me crap that’s pretty gross….weirdo
My father ran out on us when I was just a little girl. I suppose that’s what happens when your mum marries a battery.
I reckon I can tolerate most anything … but that caps lock thing has got to go.
BREAKING NEWS: I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I’m keeping it.
Ladies; you need to practice giving head frequently if you really wanna suckseed.
I have never seen so many people proud to have haters in all my life..
I hate it when people use the phrase “Back in my day.”… It’s just so “old school.”
My mom don’t understand me! My dad don’t understand me! Even my sister don’t……….. oh wait! Wrong house! I don’t have a sister.
Stealing statuses is the sincerest form of internet flattery. With that being said, I’m damn tired of flattering all of you people and nobody flattering me back!
Whatever gas tank quit your whining. I’ve been empty inside for years.
Kinda hard for me to tell anymore, if I’m on ‘The Food Network Channel’ or Facebook! 🙁
I want to find a girl who loves me for my money….. but doesn’t understand math…
I’d imagine doing yoga is like changing your clothes in the backseat of a compact car.
I’m about to make the biggest announcement of my life……….Nah. Changed my mind.
Hot pugtato is a party game that involves players gathering in a circle and tossing a pug to each other while music plays.
If I was an electrician I’d probably be fired pretty quickly since I envision I’d wander around a lot saying “I got 99 problem but a switch ain’t one”
I refuse to use any product associated with animals, which is why I’ve stopped buying that Dove soap.
I brought my sick sense of humor here because, well, I don’t have any health insurance.
Don’t do anything you are not prepared to explain to a paramedic.
FYI..If your back starts to itch really bad when you’re standing at the urinal, never, ever, ask the guy standing next to you to scratch your back.
First time I met my old girlfriend she said she was bi. I couldn’t think of anything sexier. Until I found out she meant bipolar.
I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I have mixed feelings about it.
Then there are those people who need such structure and daily routine in their lives that they have to plan to be spontaneous.
I told this girl I met tonight I’m rubbing your legs to keep the mosquitoes from biting you 😉
Me and my buds just finished igniting the last of the fireworks, we had left over from the 4th. We were like; HIGH FOUR!
Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day…… Give a fish a man and you’re probably in the Mafia.
My girl said she’s leaving me because I never make any sense…and that’s why I don’t like lettuce.
A retard…What do you call that person who reads the punchline first and then the rest of the status?
I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my arms for being by my side and my fingers and toes because I can always count on them
I love those “Choose your adventure” books because my two favorite things are reading and blaming myself for bad decisions.
I think I need to return my GPS because it’s defective…no matter what it can’t help me find easy street.
When I see blokes writing Single and ready to mingle… I think Naaa mate you’re just a Loner with a Boner.
Knowing my luck, my dentist will probably try to tell me I have the kind of teeth that need to be brushed every day.
Was at the gym today in case you’re wondering how dedicated I am in getting you to want every inch of me…
Just when I thought there was hope for mankind,I go on Youtube,only to discover that 8 million people has so far seen a 10s econd clip of Justin Bieber throwing up on stage…
From now on when I see a relationship status change to married, I will offer my condolences.
My coworker didn’t like it when i put an odor eater in his mouth while he was talking.
Got a parking ticket yesterday. Apparently “FINE FOR PARKING” doesn’t mean ‘fine’ for parking..
I’ve got a time machine…I get in and it takes me 7 hours into the future…I call it… bed…
I’m truly amazed that the quietest people have the loudest opinions! Me talking to myself in the mirror.
In 2013, my first status update on Facebook will be “is anyone alive?”
Some guy wanted to fight me….. I said “I’m a lover, not a fighter!!!”. Well, long story short, I should have said I’m a fighter.
I believe in hunting everything I eat…Yesterday, I shot a chicken quesadilla…
If you think no one likes you….. well at least you’re right about something.
Many people don’t know about his lesser known brother, but Jack the Rapper only assaulted women with horrible lyrics and lack of rhythm.
My friend drinks her whiskey neat. I tend to spill mine after a while…
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)……….we always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
With a north and south pole, the fact is, the whole world is bipolar.
I like half of the bi-polar jokes.
This boy just broke up with my daughter via text. I have a question, should I throw his body in a dumpster or the woods?
I’m not saying I’m having a bad week, but I put the issues in tissues.
I’m gonna get a tattoo of an Angry Bird, right on my middle finger.
My husband said he was going to leave me, and my daughter said she was going to run away. These thoughts are the only thing that keep me warm at night.
I’m about to go out today, but before I put on my makeup I put on my favorite face cream. It’s called, Oil Of Ez-Lay.
I’d like to remind all men out there that it’s called “Fantasy Football” as in, you should relax because none of it really matters.
At work during break, I sometimes stand by the coffee machine and wonder if a beautiful co-worker will come by and pour coffee over herself in slow-mo. That’ll be hot!
How much longer before all of our periods sync up?
Umm…..apparently using the phrase “the elephant in the room” in front of a fat person does, in fact, create an elephant in the room……
“GET A LIFE!!!” Ok is there an app for that?
It’s simple. My fist + your face= me happy.
I’m not saying she’s a loose woman, but she makes a huge popping sound every time she gets out of her seat.
Fun Fact: Teenagers in the 80’s were not textually active.
A woman with a lot of ‘Booty’ is a Pirates Dream.
Just so I know, How many midlife crisis’s are you allowed and do they hold up in court.
I’m not sure why but I really get along with nerds… Nerds and hookers.
I hate it when I’m picking my nose while I’m driving and I hit a pothole, and my finger goes all the way up.
I find my job very rewarding. Today I whacked my boss in the face with a swivel chair and I feel great.
Don’t be shy….I won’t bite…well..not too hard..
Life was much simpler when we just had rocks as pets.
If am at a party and i send u a text saying “LOL”,am either telling you there’s lots of liquor or lots of ladies.
Does slipping Rohypnol into my own drink make me look desperate.
Apparently, ‘a one-legged, hunchbacked, lesbian dwarf with halitosis’ is not the answer my boss was looking for when she asked me who the hell I thought I was talking to.
I have to say…..weed and wine compliment each other beautifully….
If Kristen Stewart wants to issue a public apology for something, it should have been for making the twilight movies…
Whenever a facebook friend shares bad news like a divorce, illness or cancer…i try to cheer them up by hitting the “like” button and commenting ‘lmao’!
I wanted to make a joke on Kristen Stewart. But Twilight has already been made. 😉
I cant wait to start getting head…where’s my coin?
I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me. I passed up the chance to take a pic next to a toilet on the side of the road.
My new business venture of breeding cows never took off. I was arrested for attempted murder.
An easy way to ‘have your cake and eat it’ is to buy two cakes..
I vow to make fun of you and neglect you emotionally, until death do us part.
Only loser use the drugs… said the dyslexic person.
I swear I’m not judgmental… I just observe any & all details, while making brutally honest comments. 🙂
I can’t wait for all this hard work to pay off. I really hope the “fruits of my labor” include strawberries…I love strawberries.
Funny Clever Facebook Statuses
- Sarcastic Status About Love
You Might be Searching for Sarcastic One Liners that are Best Quotes to Share on Social Media Accounts. There are to Many Funny Sarcasm Quotes are also Spreading over the Net like on Whatsapp or Facebook that can really bring smile on our Faces. As you know Sarcasm Quotes for Whatsapp always go Viral as people love them.